I recently read this article on Medium, about sharing creativity for the masses vs, creating for yourself. And it struck a chord with me.
When I think about the creative things that I do, I always think about them to the nth degree. When I play music, I think about being a famous musician, playing to a stadium of people. When I make videos for my planner, I think about having a million followers. When I think about making stickers, I envision opening a shop and gaining a second income off of it.
And brutally honestly, it never works out the way I see it. Not only does it not work out, it makes me stop in my tracks, and I find myself not doing the things I love to do, because I don’t know how I will be successful at them.
When I first got into bullet journaling, I saw photos on Intagram with tons of likes and thought, I could make things that look like that. And I did. And got the likes, but I didn’t use the planner. The week would go by without a single thing written in the carefully crafted boxes, lined with meticulously sketched flowers.
Then last month, I started a new bullet journal, just for me. I only used the things I liked, and only wrote the way I wanted, with a theme I liked. And things changed. I posted a flip through of last month’s bullet journal spread, and it’s the most liked thing on my Instagram (and yes, my most liked thing has only 100 likes). And I did it all for me. Not for the likes, not for the ‘Gram.
Blogging is another big one. When I started blogging, I wanted to be like the bloggers I saw. I wanted to support my family with it, I wanted to be internet-famous, with millions of views a month. And I didn’t get it. Heck, having starting again, my views are lower than they were when I first started blogging. But since I changed my mindset about it, I’m free to write what I like. When I get readers and comments, it’s amazing, even more so because I am writing with my genuine voice. Love me, or hate me.
My sister from another mister, Kari, recently wrote a post that struck another chord with me. Though her chord was first.
I backed away from being me again and wrote what I thought everyone would want to hear.
I would look at posts with the high comments numbers and think, I guess this is what they like so I will write more of that.
I feel like maybe the best offer that I can’t refuse is to write about what I want to and not censor myself anymore.
Not to worry about comment counts, page views and shares on social media.
Maybe that risk is the risk worth taking.
And I feel like I am finally okay with taking that risk.http://agracefull-life.com/2019/06/03/an-offer-i-cant-refuse/
I read her post in bed, and I literally shot right up and said out loud, “are you effing kidding me?!” Because I knew how Kari felt, as if I’d written those exact words myself. I thought this exact thing when I denounced the life of a Mommy Blogger, and then again when I changed my site name.
And I’m thinking about it right now, when I decide what I want to do with my life. What I want to do to make me happy. I know singing makes me happy, and I also know I won’t get famous from it. But I want to do it! And share it! So I created a YouTube channel for it. I promise I’ll share it as soon as the first song is up.
And I love bullet journaling. More than I thought I would, because I am doing it for me. I created stickers that work, for me. And I’m not worrying about trying to sell them. I’m just doing what works for me, in my house, in my head space, in my life. If the internet likes it, cool! If they don’t, eff ’em.
It’s amazingly freeing to do things for yourself. To be yourself. And sure, it’s great when other people see it and say, ‘hey, that’s pretty great’. But it’s not required and it certainly shouldn’t be the motivation behind it.
The blogger in me wants to create a movement and hashtag to commemorate this feeling, and this independence. But I’m doing it for me, and sharing it with you. And that’s enough. Heck it’s more than enough!